Tag Archive: Boyfriend


Okay. It’s Sunday.  Kind of.  I guess.  Technically.  Right…

Anyway.  Saturday was an interesting mix.  I’m kind of tired so we’re going to see how this goes.

I took that nap yesterday.  I woke up at 1 AM, and I watched some TV (more than I have watched in a good while).  Then after chatting with my suitemate, I called it a night again around… well around now(6AM).  And then I slept until 2.  I woke up, and I made a list of everything that I need to do.    I’ve managed to cross off 2 of those things, but I also started several others, and accomplished things not listed.

I did some homework (on the lists).  Then I had dinner with my dad (not on the lists).  Then I went to see a play (also not on the lists).  After the play, I went grocery/life shopping with the playwright (on the lists).  Then I went out (not on the lists).

Needless to say, I need to accomplish most of the list tomorrow.  But knowing what I need to do, is half the battle, and several things on the list are things that will naturally take more than tomorrow to accomplish, so it’s not a super huge concern.

Okay.  So while it was fun to talk about my day, what I really want to address, is the inane ways that I manage to injure myself.  What happened you might ask?  Well that is a really good question.  And I wish that I could answer it.  All that I really know is for some reason, I have a huge bruise on my left shoulder, and my left hand is a big pansy right now.  Simply meaning that anything I try to do with it makes it complain.  And I’m not a fan of it complaining.  There are certain things that don’t bother it, typing, doing push-ups, gesticulating.  However other things, that seem like they could just as easily fit into those categories makes it feel like it’s going to fall off. It’s really super unfortunate.

I would really appreciate knowing how I acquired these injuries, and how I can get rid of them.  If you could see my shoulder you would think I was in an abusive relationship.  I don’t think I am though.  Which is to say, last I checked, I wasn’t in a relationship at all.

(I’ll address that briefly, if anyone is actually reading this.  All of it that is, implying the things underneath this, then you know at some point recently I was in one, it was not abusive, however, at least not in a physical sense.  Anyway, I went to India over the summer with my school, and while there, getting my spotty internet usage, I log onto Facebook one day, and am informed that I am no longer in a relationship.  There was a message to go with it.  It was 3 sentences long.  That’s really all I have to say about that.)

So. In conclusion.  I would like my shoulder not to look like it belongs to pre-crack Whitney.  Is that wrong of me?  I’m tired.

It’s that time of year.

So.

I have my first final tomorrow morning at 8 am.

Approximately less than 8 hours from now.

Roommate of “I think there was this time once…” is finishing up moving.  Had to loan out the car while I was at work to allow for ease of access during this process, which is a little bit upsetting.

More upsetting however is the level of how oblivious I was to everything that had happened in my classes to this point. I thought I knew most of the stuff.  I was blithely unaware of the level of stuff that I didn’t know.  I’m sure come Wednesday at 7, I will feel more upset about roommates move.  However, current actual roommate is supposed to move out Wednesday leaving me the room all to myself, as I think I’ll be here over the summer.  In this exact room.  Which might make Wednesday, slightly more exciting.

On a more upbeat note, Boyfriend texted me not very long ago wishing me good luck this week. I think he felt like I would be asleep, and it would be a nice surprise for in the morning, however he is even more unaware of the level of stuff that I didn’t know.  And I wanted to see a movie tonight.  Good thing that fell through.  But he and I have not been talking much this past week, between me putting off studying for finals, and all his projects due next week before has to being putting off studying for finals.

So, I was going to post something yesterday, but that just didn’t happen.  I feel like yesterday needs to be discussed though.

There a party/benefit last night.

It was Massive.  (With a capital M, clearly)

And then the after party at the club. I moved and made it inside quickly but there was a lengthy line, and then apparently (from what I understand) the cops showed up and told a bunch of people behind me they had to go home.  However, one thing that I realized last night is that, the level of scare discussed from the aforementioned post should be easily dismissed (granted I don’t want to eat my words).  You know when you get comfortable in a relationship and you gain a little weight.  You’re clothes fit a little more snug-ly than they did beforehand, not necessarily enough to require a new wardrobe, but just something noticeable, that should you suddenly be thrust back into the dating world you would need time to feel comfortable, or return to your normal self from.  Well I realized last night after being coerced into this party that the depression brought about by this fear, has my clothes fitting potentially looser than they fit before I started this relationship. Or at least as loose as they did beforehand. I couldn’t help but look at myself in the mirror from time to time as this realization came over me.  It made me feel more confident, and perhaps less like I need Boyfriend.  Granted, I am the nesting type, so it’s not to say that I don’t want or need a boyfriend, just that I maybe don’t need this particular one if he doesn’t need me.

As a result of this new-found confidence.   I felt like the evening was rather successful, I re-connected with old friends, and even made a few new ones.  Both male and female.  Granted, I feel like, by the end of the night, the male ones were the ones I was more interested in acquiring.

I’m not one to be shifty in a relationship, so I also took great care to make sure to avoid letting anything happen (a lack of funds for alcohol helped keep this particularly in check). But it didn’t keep me from walking away with the memory of being told (by a guy that I went on a few dates with not long before Boyfriend entered) that he didn’t think I needed to be with Boyfriend if that was the way that he was going to act because I was too perfect for such treatment.  Which was definitely a major highlight because this guy only got dropped because he had to leave for a few months to take care of an ailing and then dying grandfather, during which time Boyfriend appeared.

So, my weekend consisted of a fair amount of work (the money-making kind, not the better grade having kind), a little bit of awesome partying (I made it home around 4 in the AM), and lastly (although it shouldn’t be) a little bit of studying.

So here’s the breakdown:

Tomorrow (Monday, aka, today), I have 2 finals.  1 at 8am in stats, and another at 4 in my learning and memory class.

Tuesday, I have 1 final in my Latin (ewww) class at 8am.

Wednesday, I have 1 final in my Modern Dance class at 4pm.

It seem as though it would be logical if the 3 more important finals were not all right next to each other, time wise, but that is the way that my life works.  However on the bright side, the fact that I don’t know my dance at all currently shouldn’t hurt me come Wednesday when I have to perform it in front of the whole class (I may come up with an excuse of a Dr. appointment or something at 4:30 so I can go first, and then leave and throw up immediately after, not that I have a great deal of stage fright, it just helps to know what it is that I’m performing).

Also can we discuss my bodies incapability to become fully rested? I slept until 2 today before jumping out of bed to get ready for work.  I have to catch up on sleep some time, I tend to get copious amounts over the weekends, I can’t be that far behind.

Back to studying for now. I’m sure Latin will get pushed aside tomorrow night for some other tale that I need to regale.

Blerg… Studying.

So.

I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.  I’ve been reading blogs, and I’ve been thinking a lot. (Not Alot, which is actually what started this.)  I’m thinking of this as more of a journal of my life, but I guess I didn’t make it “private” to searches so it’s out there for anybody to read.

It is 3AM.  I need to go to bed, and yet here I am.  I’ve had a lot on my mind lately, like I said earlier, and I don’t know how to get it out any other way.  Welcome to the 21st century.   I once tried to keep a journal on paper and I felt like a complete moron before I even finished the first days worth of stuff.  At least this way, if I feel like a moron, I can delete it and the words won’t be etched onto the next page.

I guess I should write about what’s been on my mind lately. That’s why I’m here, right?

So.  There are …roughly… three characters this story. Or three main characters I guess. More will pop up.  It’s inevitable. I’m not that good at story-telling. It’s been a problem since childhood.  My mother (the English teacher) would ask what a book was about and instead of a roughly paragraph length synopsis I would expound for about 20 minutes.  I realize now she was probably only being nice and pretending to listen while creating a to-do list for the year in her head, but I could never master the summary.  My friends mock me asking if just about every story I tell comes in paperback, but summary, like many things, was not a talent I was gifted with.

That (^) right there.  That is a wonderful example of what I was talking about.

The story:

Time is an extremely fluid concept for a college student when mid-March hits.  Time for college students it extremely non-Newtonian. It’s solid when you want it to move, and fluid when you want it to stand still.  Not that I want it stand still.  I just realize that finals are fast approaching and all of my senior friends will be leaving me.  Again.  Also, studying is one habit I was never very good at it either.  The list of things I’m not good at it is extremely lengthy.

To summarize the last paragraph the events in the story won’t be highly time oriented mainly because a lot has happened, I don’t remember the exact order, or even when it all actually happened.

2 things:

1) Boyfriend:  Boyfriend lives far away.  Not like across the country.  Just across the state.  I’m not currently in Texas, so across the state isn’t really as far as it could be, but it is still annoying. Now I really like boyfriend, and he is fully aware of this.  But we have our tiffs.  Which are annoying when you can’t immediately resolve them with sex. Not that sex is the answer to everything but it does help to just let everything go.  Anyway.  Not the point.  We had a tiff recently, when I was on a trip down there.  Near the end of the tiff, he said he needed time to think, and that it would probably be best for me to just head home.  Early.  Not that I don’t want to respect his wishes, but I had to work to make time, and I told everyone I was leaving, and then suddenly, I’m going to be back.  And not with him.

Blerg.

So I drove home early.

I spent the time at home in bed.  Lame.  At the culmination of his thinking he informed me of two things.  1) He doesn’t want to end this relationship, and 2) He will eventually hurt me.

Now I don’t want to seem like a moron, so here I would like to clarify.  There is very little down time for grief in my life.  So I told Boyfriend that at the moment I didn’t want to lose him, and that I didn’t have time to mourn the relationship.  This means that he is still boyfriend, but there is a serious scare to the relationship.

2) Roommate:  There comes another time in mid-March as well, in the lives of the students here, where we get excited.  Planning starts for next year, this includes: room selection(including roommates), course selection, and summer planning.  As a rising senior, I was greatly thrilled to have a low number for room selection.  And I knew just what room I wanted. I had been excitedly talking about it for about 3 weeks before room selection even came up.  My next step was to pick who was living with me. I was getting a great room, so the real thing was who didn’t want to live with me.  Well.  Secretly all of my friends were graduating or pairing off without me.  Rude.  But I knew one person I could count on no matter what. Suite-mate.  Who quickly became roommate, and we were super excited. I quickly realized one major flaw with this scenario. Roommate was not actually going to be here next semester.  As much as Roommate wanted to say that would be happening.  This meant that I needed to find a new roommate, which put me back at that square where I realized that everyone else had a roommate, which wasn’t square one, because that was when I was blithely searching for a roommate without realizing that everyone already had one.

Okay. So, introduce character three.  This does not introduce a new section.  We’ll call this person, Roommate take 2.  Actually that’s really long.  We’ll call this person… Roommate 2.  So Roommate 2 is actually an incoming freshman.  But I wasn’t going to let the computer unassumingly pick someone like Roommate’s former roommate, who committed unnecessary sexual acts 25 hours a day.  Which somehow is oddly one more than seems humanly possible. I wanted the cream-o-the-crop freshman.  Having volunteered during Preview weekend, I knew just who that was, so I sadly set to work at getting this person to be my roommate.

The culmination of these two events has led me here… Two bad things that I did not want to believe would happen.

Therefore, I am ending this on this note.  Something I have to remind myself of, frequently, and is yet somehow so useless in this situation. My favorite author said in one of her novels this:

“It is what we most desire that we’re afraid to count on; it’s always so much easier to believe in an eventuality you’d rather avoid.”  – Curtis Sittenfeld.

And yet while I tried my damnedest to avoid believing in these things, this is where I’m at. A certain part of me is excited for next year, but a lot of me knows that it just won’t be quite the same.

Blah.

So here I am.  At this crossroads.

That’s not all that’s going on, but that’s what I’m writing about for now.

Issue #1 being the most pressing.  But certainly not my only worry.

We’ll see how well this sticks especially during finals.

Here goes.